Responsibility has revolved much of my life at this point. From deciding where to start my internship to choosing when to come home in time for the Lenten season. My sense of being responsible didn't come out as instantaneous. It was the result of a long developed process that culminated around my first year of college.
When I was growing up, I wasn't the curious, enthusiastic, and sociable person who partook in student activities or local festivities for enjoyment. Rather, I was the complete opposite.
I was lazy to study on my own and instead preferred to play video games almost all night. I wasn't interested in going out solo, let alone commuting because I didn't know many of the routes to take. I used to dread discussions, most especially presentations where every time it's my turn, I would stumble in impromptu and instead read my not-so-organized script.
All in all, my perspective before in life was passive. I had let the river carry me down stream, regardless if the flow was smooth or rough. Past me didn't mind much.
I carried this thinking for much of my adolescence. That is until my father passed away.
When the news came: denial. I never thought he would suddenly be gone and that early. I was hoping of the unexpected that life would give him a second chance. But no. That was sealed the moment my mother and relatives came home without him.
I grieved. So was my family. Everyone who knew him gave their condolences. My high school classmates and teacher even slept over at our house to comfort us. The burial amplified our grievances, of course. After that, it past and all, including me, seemed to accept his passing.
His absence left a gap that my mother filled. She's the provider of all my family's needs and did much of the work. I didn't fully recognize that till Covid-19 hit. When we're at a particular time of isolation.
The isolation didn't made me depress my emotions. In fact, it served as a time of reflection for what I did all those years of being an adolescent. Even now, despite the good memories I cherish with family and friends, I still thought of what I could have done to better myself.
So I decided and set out to change my perspective and be active. I seek to control the direction and pace of which the river would take me. Not that I can reverse what had come before but instead, move forward and make do with the time I had left.
That all started with reading one book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It had set the first of many leaps I would take to being uncomfortable and accepting life's opportunities. I am still grateful for that first read and highly recommend that you do too.
Dale Carnegie was the first to made me realize that my actions (and reactions) matter more than what life happens to me. They are profound in interpersonal communication where the wrongest assumptions can trigger the most dire of consequences. Hence, to rid of all ambiguity is to take action and find clarity. To be curious. To be interested in what the other party intends to say and invoke emotionally.
The lessons that Dale Carnegie gave were tested during my first year of college (interviews and introductions) and I am glad to say that they've worked. I still carry those same principles of his everyday, adjusting them whilst reading new books.
My father may not observe for what I am now. But I know that somewhere, he might be proud. That's one of the few things that keeps me happy to think about.
How about you? When will you change your perspective of life?
First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.
- Dale Carnegie, renowned American author of 1936's How to Win Friends and Influence People